Sugar Less

if you haven’t figured it out by now…

sokeri:

all this bob art and old pictures of gene have made me really miss my dads. I don’t expect you to figure it out because I just did last night. right at the time someone accused me of living in the past and I got all defensive and explained that I JUST got bob’s art this month after waiting 4 1/2 years and that while looking for something else in one of my unpacked boxes I found the photo stash of gene and it hit me that this september will be 10 years since we lost him. and I had a LOT of time to myself this week. so I did some scanning and some posting and some laughing and then some crying during that conversation.

bob left me art, gene left me memories. I feel I owe it to them to share with any audience I can (most of gene photos have just been posted to FB where his family can enjoy them). but I also owe it to me to let myself enjoy the adventure of remembering and rediscovering the dad who made me and the dad who raised me.

thanks again for putting up with all the posts of bob’s artwork. I really am going to stop reblogging to my Tumblr soon and just let it live on his.

and if I haven’t told you lately, I love you. yes, even you. but not as much as I love Michele. duh.

/22 notes /04:54 AM Via full is not heavy as empty

sokeri:

it’s not that my childhood or my 20s were so great, I wasn’t particularly happy. but I have such nostalgia for my youth, the photos I post, the trinkets I’ve carried with me from home to home, because I had not yet so colossally fucked up my life. I didn’t have hope so much as I had the opportunity still to do things right. I don’t want those days back. I want the days between then and now.

/17 notes /03:19 AM Via full is not heavy as empty

sokeri:

the most self destructive girl I know she’s a little lost in the vertigo lipstick smeared red cherry paste hides unborn lies you cannot taste your never girl with her sweet voice hushed stands at your door in her velvet crushed and pulls you to her milky way a perfect end to her scarlet day she’s the suicide star of her poison cinema what a toy you are to this viral nebula but you can’t say no to the madness she craves the scattered debris on the path she paves if she found a way home she would still be alone bruised violet vivid nucleus livid

/8 notes /02:35 AM Via full is not heavy as empty

sokeri:

Ultimately, the most hurtful thing in my life is that you can’t love me. Even though I know all it would take is you wanting to.

/15 notes /02:20 AM Via full is not heavy as empty

sokeri:

I thought your kiss would be bliss to taste surrendering all to the heat of us face to face finally a perfect insanity that’s what you create in me a turning and burning in my mind ‘til I find no more room for disgrace so I chase you away from me waiting for you to see all that you hate in me is all that you’ve made in me you’re never the same from day one to day two do you know who you are or what you want me to want from you?

/6 notes /02:19 AM Via full is not heavy as empty

sokeri:

in every handbag or tote, unused for years now, chosen randomly from an assorted collection, I find toothpicks I carried around for you.

/7 notes /02:48 AM Via full is not heavy as empty

sokeri:

he toys with my sanity.

his smiles seduce,

my strength is stolen.

never mind the lies spun

from the foreign smirk,

vacant-eyed promises spewed

to satisfy my want for his heaven-scent.

my memory is stained,

a tarnished vision of his silhouette.

forget the surrendered sacrifices,

tender intimacies shared with strangers.

I long for kisses of sandpaper-silk

to serenade my flesh with their sarcasm.

/8 notes /02:45 AM Via full is not heavy as empty

sokeri:

starving into my dress makeup shimmers and I smile give a laugh and no one will notice I’d rather scream sometimes when I’m alone I pull my hair I love my shoes and my ring sparkles I’ll have another drink but please don’t see me pretend I’m not here take a pill wash it down and kill the urge to peel back my skin and breath I haven’t slept in nights but I haven’t cried for a day look around the room who haven’t I pleased will I be forgiven I wish I’d worn my hair down to shield me from the delicate flesh my favorite enemy if I dig my nails into my palm just a little longer just a little deeper I may bleed but I can’t forget for a moment who I’m not or I might ask for what I need.

/20 notes /02:38 AM Via full is not heavy as empty

sokeri:

she says

“I remember a boy who used to lie in my bed

an arm around my waist like a gun to my head

he played with my doubts and my neurosis was fed.

oh, to have him now

to bring him down

to make him see

me, the way I want him to”

would he know her?

would he listen to her stories?

he’s heard them before but her voice has grown.

/11 notes /02:24 AM Via full is not heavy as empty